Wednesday, August 2, 2017

When your daughter's face is falling off and you're a jerk *Update! We're all jerks!

Fair warning: There are gross pictures in this post. I left out the really gross ones though because I'm klassy.

Last weekend during our craptastic family hike with the dogs, Averson tripped off a curb, on a super-high bridge, into traffic, and hit her face. Because of course she did. That wasn't even the highlight of that particular outing, but alas. I picked her up, dusted her off and carried her across the bridge while trying to telepathically beg Syd and C not to say anything about the blood. Which they didn't, thank the sweet baby Jesus. We wiped her up and no one was the worse for wear.

Flash forward to Monday when I come home to Averson sleeping (she's hasn't taken naps in over a year). The lip scrape that was NBD now looks a little bit rougher, but because she's our third baby and we're really busy, we chalked it up to healing. And I pretended not to notice that she was super warm and bundled up in fleece blankets despite it being, literally, 106 degrees.

Yesterday C sent me this at work

OMG. Could she look anymore miserable? I sent the picture to her pediatrician with a "Is this normal? WTF?" message. I love our doctor because she knew to call C and then e-mail me with a recap (#workingmomsunite!) with the final diagnosis of justavirus. Also, I don't find "We've been seeing this lately" all that reassuring. She didn't give anything further than "virus" which I didn't find very helpful since you know what's a virus? Herpes. 

So, no judgment, but I have always been stupidly (and silently) proud that none of us get cold sores. I fully acknowledge that my pride lays in some fucked up places, but I had a friend growing up who got heinous breakouts and they just seem so miserable and gross. I keep consulting with Dr. Google and I can't find ANYTHING else this could be. Also, googling "cold sores on my preschooler" will get you some nasty shit suggesting that this could be so much worse. Though that doesn't explain the fever and the way her damn face is swelling up. So I'm kind of hoping it's something else like HFM and not cold sores because I don't want my daughter to have the Herp. That's some serious MOTY material right there, I tell you what. Also, I won't let her touch anyone or anything with her face because of course I won't. A paragon of compassion. But I have been letting her eat her weight in yogurt tubes because she says her throat hurts on top of her mouth. At least I think that's what she's saying. You can't really tell because she sounds like the dentist numbed her mouth. 
I just went to the playroom and found her sleeping like this. That's her dress. #thirdbaby

I totally meant this to be funny but I'm going to feel like such a jerk if she's really sick and not just slowly becoming a zombie. Which I think I would still prefer over cold sores. But I think we all know that's exactly what this is going to be, so lay it on me. What are your go-to cold sore remedies? I know nothing and at this rate that thing is going to take over her face. 

Update: We finally took her to the doctor today. She's been living off yogurt tubes and then last night said her mouth hurt too bad even for those. So, the final verdict is.....

Herpangina Virus! And now to the jerk part that's actually pretty funny. So C heard "Herpangina" and immediately thought "STD," which they must get all the time because they immediately clarified that it is NOT Herpes and NOT an STD, just a really unfortunately named totally common virus. What they didn't know is that in our family "vagina" has been shortened just to " 'gina." The Bigs couldn't stop laughing when they called to give me the status update because "Avery's got 'gina! IN HER MOUTH!" And then dissolved into ridiculous giggles. And poor Avery can't talk, let alone whine or yell, so they just keep saying it. This poor girl and her jerk family. If she ever turns, it will be totally understandable if she eats us first.