This morning I walked out my front door to a deluge of wind and rain and the realization that my coat was not going to be enough today. In consolation, and because I've started going every day, I went to Starbucks for a liquid pick-me-up. Like millions of others before him, he asked my name and then started to write it on the cup. I replied "Oh, no! Please don't do that!" Then I tried to explain why but it was early and I was awkward. So now I'm the paranoid chick who shows up every morning looking slightly guilty.
Things I said in a professional capacity today
"Take a shower. No seriously. Take a shower."
"You're acting the fool. That's right, I said it."
"So, you're going to tell your kids that dad's finest moment was getting taken down in a dress?"
"No I don't feel sorry for you. It's your own damn fault."
"I don't know who he was, but he was wearing a suit so he's probably important."
"This place sucks."
"I'm trying to think of a nice way to say he'll beat the shit out of the first person who looks at him."
Is it any wonder I can't act normal in public?