I'm feeling better. I took a long weekend and went with the kids to visit my dad and step-mom on the coast. I came home and prioritized all the "must-do's" "want-to-do's" and "Chick, are you crazy?s" Work, though frustrating and not all that conducive to not freaking the fuck out, is fine. I'm embarrassed to say that my work quality has dropped, but to be honest, a lot of the time I just don't care. It's hard to get passionate about change when you know you'll likely be leaving very soon. But I go, and I get my stuff done, and occasionally, like today, I have a really good day and do really good work. We're getting through. We should find out next week if/where we're going to transfer. We have a pretty good chance of getting into one of our top two, both of which would be great, (fingers crossed for my first choice cuz it would be AWESOME!) but more than anything I cannot wait to be out of this holding pattern.
One of the things I realized while I was gone was that I've been taking an awful lot of stress out on C. Too much. If I'm being honest, the poor guy has been my punching bag (figuratively, of course) for the past few weeks. Freud described it as "displacement" but all through school I've always thought of it as "kicking the dog." Essentially, you take out your anger and frustration on a less threatening target. I can't go to work and rage and be pissy and pout. So I come home and treat my husband like crap, resenting him for not magically knowing what I wanted him to do. Really not my finest moment. I'm trying to remember that he's going through this too. He's stressed out. And sometimes I'm a crazy person.
He's a lucky, lucky man