Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Some days...

Some days I come home and wonder if it was all a weird, peanut-butter-and-jelly-with-a-side-of-milkshake dinner induced dream. Like today. A little context... This is the last week that I'll be working, and as such my workload, and motivation, have dwindled a bit. This has left me with quite a bit of free time, so I've been spending a good chunk of the day just hanging out on the living unit. This is generally one of the highlights of the week because you can just sit and chat and get to know someone. It's also a people watcher's dream, so even when they're not talking to me it's a good time. Also, most of the women on the unit I work on are seriously and severely mentally ill. Think "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" combined with "A Beautiful Mind."

So today. Generally the women are pretty happy when the clinicians just hang out and are eager to have a more casual conversation. We get all the good unit gossip, people tell us about their families, and we get a chance to just shoot the shit. All in all, pretty light-hearted and easy going. But today. Today the planets must have aligned wrong or something because oh. dear. Lord. First a woman came up to ask me a question about policy. Easy stuff. That conversation, before my very eyes, turned into what a horrible mother I was for subjecting my child to "murderers and rapists and convicts" and accused me of molesting my children. I got whiplash from how quickly we got there. Needless to say, I left that conversation as soon as humanly possible and moved on.

Then I started to talking to another woman who had been having a pretty rough time yesterday. Yesterday, it was all about how great I was, thanks for listening to me, on and on and on. Today, I'm a racist Satan worshipper who was spoiled as a child and whose brain has been taken over. Turns out when I roll my eyes to the left I'm being controlled by Satan, and when I roll them to the right I'm being controlled by God (apparently I roll my eyes a lot. It's become a "thing" and I spend a significant amount of time talking about it). She apologized for having to be the one to tell me, but it turns out that there's no chance for redemption and I'll be burning in hell. So I've got that going for me.

Other interesting things I learned today:
*Herpes and sexual arousal feel the same and are often mistaken for the other
*Sex and/or hula hooping will help ensure that you don't end up in a wheelchair. But only if done between the ages of 20 and 53
*We're all microchipped and being monitored by the American government
*Bones can be created by drinking water, but too much water and they'll get too soft.
*White people eat cat organs

To top it all off, I actually said to a co-worker "San Diego? I didn't know you were from Florida!"

And didn't realize my mistake until I got home.


Anonymous said...

I LOVE your day. You deserve PBJ and a milkshake.

Sarah said...

zOMG. That's all I got.

Jennifer said...


Found you by way of Gen's blog. I got the best laugh from your post today. Why?...because I can completely see that being me.

But now you've got me paranoid about which way my eyes roll. ;)

Ok, so maybe not - I've got a neighbor to remind me that I'm not a good Christian, Jehovah's Witnesses who knock on my door on Saturday mornings & a dog next door who might literally be the spawn of Satan.

If those aren't signs that I'm slipping beyond redemption, I don't know what is.

Yep, they must roll left.

Much love from an overseas Army wife,