Monday, January 29, 2024

monday doesn't deserve proper punctuation

 This is going to be whiny. Which feels kind of shitty because I haven't posted in a while, but rest assured that I have a very sappy post about Eli and wrestling and another about how fun my kids are and another about this cold plunging bug I've got in my butt now. But today? Today can fucking suck it. It actually didn't start SUPER terrible, except that my damn period started a stupid week early and I'm pretty over the "Is it hormones? Is it perimenopause? Is it Cushings?" game. But then!

I have a kid, who shall remain nameless, but who I am working actively to move from a manager to a consultant role. Said kid has a 0 hour class as a result of some previously questionable (they're not questionable and this was not unforeseen. Back in my manager days, I think I very clearly outlined this possibility) life decisions. Whatevs. Except now said kid has determined that he they don't actually have to attend that class and can do the work independently. I remain dubious. Except that said kid blocks C's car in the morning and requires waking so half of the family can leave on time. And now since they're not leaving early, are in the shower during the same time I'm trying to usher another kid, another very ADHD kid, through their morning routine. Which led to me cop-knocking on the bathroom door this morning and arguing about how 7:30-8:00 actually is NOT 10 minutes. 

THEN, I rallied and Averson and I were headed out almost nearly on time. My last chore of the morning (after laundry and litter boxes and dishes and kid herding) is to put the dogs in their crates. This has become a huge PITA because both dogs want the big crate, but the big dog with bad hips is the one that actually needs to be in there. So I have to remove the small smelly one, usher in the big one, and then get the smelly one into his own. Where this morning I discovered that he had SHIT in the crate. So on my way out the door, I'm trying to clean up dog shit and rearrange blankets for these geriatric Hell Beasts who are quite honestly, not bringing a lot to the table these days. 

Guys? This was 8:30 this morning. 

And then work is just exceptionally work like. And I'm just over it. I'm over getting yelled at by people. Over spending my morning locating, and then cleaning, body fluids. I was so over it I couldn't even sing along to Jolene with Averson. Over over over. It's the most stupid monday. So stupid I'm not even going to capitalize it. 

Wednesday, January 3, 2024

What I Read: 2023

 You can see my previous wrap-ups here: 2022 20212020201920182017

My goal for this year was 70 books, and as of this writing I'm sitting at 73 with just a couple hours left on my audiobook and about half of my physical book to go. So between now and New Years I may make it to 75 which would tie for my highest volume year since I started logging them!

Best Non-Fiction: 

My love of an audiobook commute continued. My top picks for memoirs, (a phrase I never thought I'd say) were Greenlight by Matthew McConaughey and Storyteller by Dave Grohl. I would listen to Matthew McConaughey read IKEA manuals, so this probably would've made the list even if the writing was bad. Thankfully it wasn't. He's an odd duck with an artist's perspective, but he's so authentically, unapologetically himself that it didn't feel obnoxious. Storyteller just made me feel glad that this person exists in the world. I'm not a music person, much to my husband's horror, so it was really interesting to hear/read some of the backstories behind really powerful cultural phenomena. Dave Grohl is a truly decent and good human and it comes through in his book. And while I wouldn't put it in my top reads, I think an honorable mention needs to go to Brittany Spears' The Woman in Me. Because patriarchy. This book was really polarizing when I started to talk about it with people and I think that warrants thinking about. 

This year I really loved the dystopian fantasies and the "WTF is happening?" genre, so you'll see those well represented. 

Books I gifted to others or obnoxiously demanded that people read: 

Fourth Wing: I found this one late in the year but I flew through it, then the sequal, and now I'm anxiously awaiting the next book. If you love dragons and books like Divergent/Maze Runner/etc. read this one ASAP. Also, the author did a really lovely job of writing about Ehler-Danlos while still keeping with the setting. 

Remarkably Bright Creatures: I would love to tell you that this book and my tattoo are unrelated, but I think this one cinched my love of octopuses. It's not non-fiction (obviously) and it goes beyond a "story about an octopus." It's just lovely. 

Books I loved about witches: 

It was a sleeper category but one that did not disappoint. 

Thistlefoot. Apparently 2023 was the year of Baba Yaga because the myth was featured in a lot of different things I read. This one sat on my TBR shelf for a while but when I picked it up, I devoured it. Two siblings with magical powers inherit a house on legs. I loved it a lot

Weyward. I love stories about female relatives. I love stories with multiple narrators. I love multiple timelines. This one hit all of those for me and was just delightful.

The Once and Future Witches. OMG. I wanted to take up arms. Sisters fighting the patriarchy with magical powers. It was amazing. 

I'm including Tress of the Emerald Sea here too, even though she's technically not a witch. But she is magic so it counts. I'd love to read this one with one of my kids. 

Books that lived up to the hype: 

Demon Copperhead. Just read it. It's amazing. I read David Copperfield a million years ago, probably drudged through it because I remember nothing. But this was phenomenal. 

Hang the Moon. Not my absolute favorite Jeanette Walls, but she knows how to tell a story. 

My favorite "WTF is happening?" books:

Sharkheart: OMG. I think my favorite part of this book is how smoothly she introduces a concept and we all just went with it like, "Oh sure. There could totally be a genetic predisposition to turning into animals and this is what that world would look like." It's very much in the vein of Nothing to See Here. 

How to Sell a Haunted House. This was the year of Grady Hendrix and while they can't all be My Best Friends Exorcism, this one was super weird and included a lot of creepy puppets. Honorable mention goes to Horrorstor. Or if you need to be a little more connected to reality, The Final Girl Support Group

Cutting Teeth. Sarah told me this was weird but for some reason I wasn't fully prepared for just how weird it was going to get. I've always lamented the lack of child zombies and this is what I get. 

Audiobook series that were absolutely worth it: 

The Nevernight Chronicles. Dystopian magical fantasy. Loved it a lot. Only a few spicy scenes but some very graphic war battles if you're listening in the family car. 

A Court of Thorns and Roses: I couldn't get through these fast enough! The narrator changed midway, which was disorienting, but I muscled through it. LOTS of spicy scenes if you happen to accidentally be listening with a fifth grader. My friend calls it "fairy porn"

I'd love to hear any recommendations for 2024. I've set my goal at 75, which is a teeny bit of a stretch but also I finished one on the 1st and my arbitrary ethics wouldn't let me count it for 2023, so I'm hoping I'm giving myself a headstart. And I just downloaded "Of Time and Turtles," which I've been waiting MONTHS for. Also if you did a wrap up, put your link in the comments! 

Wednesday, December 27, 2023

Christmas photo dump

Christmas really breezed by this year. It felt cozy, but also relatively underwhelming. To top it off, my brother and his wife had to cancel their visit last minute, so it was just my own little cozy crew.



I got sucked into the craft at work and nerded out with a glue gun

We did, however, add more light tours to our schedule this year. I've always wanted to do the fancy downtown neighborhood so this year on a whim we all went. I cannot wait to do it again next year, maybe in a horse carriage or rickshaw.



And our own hometown's cute little street was a hit as always. C wore his Kenough shirt and was thrilled with the addition of the Barbie box. I was thrilled with the reactions he got. Just remember, he is Kenough and so are you!


Averson's new tradition is wearing my mom's fur on our light walks. Two year's running!




I'm just so grateful for our cozy little Christmas house


And big kids who are still willing to pose in matching PJs (not pictured is their favorite shot, where all three are showing their favorite fingers #bigkidlaughs)


I panicked a little, because I never got around to comparing piles to make sure that everyone was equal. BUT, it all worked out! Sydney and Eli had exactly the same number, and Averson came out two ahead only because of creative wrapping. And everyone loved their gifts. Eli just kept saying how much he loved the electric razor, in case you were worried that buying for 17 year olds was hard.


She asked for Legos, and then pretty quickly realized that she didn't have the patience or emotional fortitude for them. She made it through though!


The kids got C the big, big pack of colored pencils that he's been eyeing like Ralphie and the Red Ranger 200. He proclaimed it one of his top 5 gifts ever

My sister posted a picture of her Christmas, and we realized that we bought our families the same matching PJs. I love that even though we're so far apart, we still were sort of together.

 

Thursday, December 14, 2023

Averson Paige (for real now!)


 Averson started going by "Averson" in preschool, when multiple kids shared her name and I had some very strong, probably illogical, responses to her being differentiated by her last initial. C had suggested it as a name when we were expecting her, and I was quick to explain that that was not a real name and he didn't know what he was talking about. I really thought he was trying to trick me into naming her after Allen Iverson. I stand corrected (obviously).

She's spent her entire school career explaining to people that her name is "Avery" but she goes by "Averson." We've talked about changing it officially for years, but that's a more complicated process than one would think. Knowing she's headed to middle school next year (OMFG), we decided that it was time to fish or cut bait. We filled out a bunch of court forms in triplicate, wrote a big check, and published our intent to change her name in the most rando newspaper ever. This past Monday, we got notice that our petition had been approved and her name is now, officially, Averson Paige. 

She is SO excited. Like, more than I really anticipated that she would be. Post covid, the hearing was pretty anticlimatic since we didn't have to actually go to the court house. I wanted to memorialize it somehow for her, so I posted this picture to all my socials (as a millennial mom does.) She also has a name necklace coming for her stocking and I really hope she loves it.


Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Gift ideas: What not to buy

We have entered the wonderful time of year where we are all flooded with Christmas catalogues and gift guides and enthusiastic recommendations for the perfect gift for your brother's sister-in-law's dog walker. What we hear much less often though are the cautionary tales, the recommendations of gifts gone wrong, the "steer clear at all costs." Personally, that's what I'm looking for, and in the spirit of being the change I want to see in the world, I present to you my top three gifts not to buy this holiday season.


1) A digital picture frame for the grandparents. I know, coming in hot here. This one is ALWAYS on the "top lists for grandparents." And I admit, on the surface, it seems like a great idea. They don't have to pick their favorite pictures! It's a gadget that will delight and amaze their friends! The love the grandkids! All good points. What they don't tell you though is that while your parents may be savvy enough to link the frame to their albums, they likely are not savvy enough to put their pictures into folders or figure out how to hide pictures. Which means that Thanksgiving next year will get awkward VERY fast when you see the frame, squint a little to figure out what picture it is, and then realize that that's an angle and a situation you had hoped to NEVER see your parents in. Ask me how I know. My parents are dead, so they won't know that I told you. 

2) Play-dough and slime. All I can say here is "WT actual F?" I am a ball of anxiety on Christmas day, panicked that a gift will be accidentally thrown away with the insane amount of trash we seem to create regardless of how many earth-friendly wrapping options I choose. It's neurotic and honestly not my finest quality. I do a lot to create holiday magic but I suspect that manically putting everyone's gifts in their own special box and then nagging everyone to keep track of pieces is not one of them. And every year I fail. But lo and behold, the one and only gift I would beg to fall headlong into the garbage can is the one that sticks around like a b-reel horror film character. 

3) The slime that everyone suggests for adults' stockings. I know you've seen it, and in theory it seems like such a great idea. I fell for it. I really did. Last year every adult of driving age got a tub of the pastel colored goo and I gleefully put mine in my car, for use at stoplights/gas stations/car washes. It was going to change my life! I was going to become a "clean car person." But alas I did not become a clean car person. What they don't tell you is that this goo does not tolerate temperature fluctuations well (ala California in the summer.) So at a stoplight, when I channeled my inner Martha, I instead ended up with a handful of sticky snot melting through my fingers. It was everywhere, and every effort I had to make it stop just made the problem worse. I drive a manual. So when I say "everywhere" I really mean it. 


Okay. Your turn. What's on the top of your Must Not Buy list? 

Monday, November 27, 2023

Grateful


 I literally took a single picture on Thanksgiving. I didn't get any cute "cooking in the kitchen" shots or a posed family photo with the feast in front of us. What I did catch is this moment when all three kids were serving themselves pie and Eli dosed out the whipped cream straight from the can, the way the Lord intended it. And honestly, I'm not mad about it. 

I have been reflecting on gratitude a lot lately. For someone who can fall down the green-eyed rabbit hole pretty quickly, it's a refreshing change. Sure, there's lots of things I'd love to have: a cleaner house, newer clothes, more vacations, animals that don't smell. But damn, I have so much to be grateful for. Like a husband who still makes me laugh and a house that I love and warm water and kids that are hilarious and sweet and like being around all of us. And whipped cream. Always whipped cream. 

Thursday, November 16, 2023

Kitten update

I haven't updated on the kittens! They're quickly becoming non-kittens, and poor Kirby got to be re-neutered a couple weeks ago. Turns out One Nut Kirbs was an inaccurate nickname. But on the plus side, he's not peeing on stuff anymore! 

They're just so fun. They're both getting bigger by the minute. Kirby likes to hang out with us and Boo spends most of his time in Averson's room. Both of them like to sleep with C and I, which is just delightful. They're a little saucy and sometimes swipe at my geriatric dogs when they know they can't get back to them and there was a situation with one of C's crayfish (we can't talk about it, but just know there are no witnesses so any allegations are purely conjecture) but I definitely think we're turning into a cat family