Little things and big things and quiet things

I lost my stupid voice last week and after three days of not talking, I can't tell if I'm depressed or lonely or just realizing the fuckery of the world. Probably all of the above? I'm anxious to talk again and really over the squeaky voice/no voice/charades shenanigans. So let's throw it back to some rando happy things, shall we? 

We had the open house for my program! The CEO and several county executives came, and it was so fun to show off the building and my amazing team. 

One day last week I 100% phoned in getting ready for work, but then I noticed this gray STREAK in my hair! Not even just a little gray but a full streak and I love it so much

Before I got sick and didn't go to the gym because coughing and not talking in a shared space is a bad look, I lifted so much fucking weight. I'm at almost 200# for my back squat and I hit 125# for my bench press. AND I held a handstand for at least two seconds and did some cool jump rope stuff

I'm debating adding more to this tattoo. I want to give him a little friend, but now I'm worried it'll be too much. 

This lipstick is fucking magical. I ordered like five different shades. I put it on at 7:30 and it's still on when I wash my face at night. Once it's dry I don't even notice that it's on. AND it doesn't get all over my coffee mugs/water bottles/teeth/what have you. AND AND, it's less than $10

 

This cute little couple hung out in our pool and gave exactly 0 F's about Scout. I kind of hope they move in. 

Have you seen the posts going around about how women inject whimsy into their days? It's the cutest, most delightful use of the internet that I've seen in a while. In that vein, I've started calling my oatmeal/shake/coffee/whathaveyou my "potions" and it's made making sure I'm getting my protein/collagen/chia seeds/caffeine so fun. It's not a lunch bag. It's my satchel of potions 💗I just keep getting closer to my feral forest witch soul. 

Averson is twelve!

They're not quite a teen yet, but having a twelve-year-old feels very much like we've graduated from having "kids" to having Kids. Averson's birthday was lovely and perfect and exactly them. We kicked it off with birthday donuts (Eli was on a roadtrip so he remote-d in for the festivities) and Averson and I went to get fancy birthday nails. They wore their tiara and picked the perfect emo/grunge/fantasy style nails. It was so fun! For their birthday they asked to have a couple friends over for a sleepover and this group of kids is just the sweetest. They watched XO, Kitty (maybe from start to finish) and SNL, ate Costco sushi and ice cream cake, and slept in a pile on the living room floor. Averson's "big" gift was tickets to go see The Six in April and I've already called dibs since C got to take them to Hamilton. 

This kid is just the sweetest, most empathic, quirky little creature. They're super into media right now and all things video, they collect playing cards (the Greek Mythology and Noble Cat decks were a huge hit), and are constantly making bracelets for everyone. They're a gifted, and humble, artist and their make-up skills are INSANE. They started track this week and I'm so excited to see how that goes! It's been so fun to see them grow and mature this year and the next year is going to be even better. This kid makes my heart smile 💗
 

Balance and Nuance

 I flipped a stranger off in traffic this morning. I haven't done that since right after my dad died. Did this stranger deserve it? Probably not, and I pretty immediately felt shameful about it. Until he then proceeded to run a red light so blatantly that I questioned my sanity and ability to tell red from green. 

I think that pretty cleanly sums up where my mind is at lately. I am mad and rageful and feeling all of my feral, witchy-woman vibes. I want to rally the sisterhood and storm to Idaho. I want to scream in the face of anyone who voted for this asshole and is now shocked that things aren't getting better. I want to claw out the eyes of anyone who wants to "protect women" by banning trans athletes for the sheer ludicrousy of the logic (for instance, does anyone think about who the trans men, who have likely been taking testosterone for YEARS, are now going to be competing against?! Let's "protect women" by putting actual men in the division. So fucking dumb)

And then at the same time I'm feeling called to the idea of joy being the resistance and enthusiasm being the greatest form of social rebellion. I want to love everyone to satiety and create art and music and beauty to counteract all the outright awfulness that seems to be every-fucking-where. 

So I flip off the man in the car behind me who is gesticulating wildly for me to crawl up on the sidewalk so he can turn ten seconds sooner, but then I'm feeling bad about adding to the negativity, and then he goes and proves that it was warranted. I am Stevie Nicks wearing brass knuckles and carrying a basket of muffins. 

I don't know what to do. I shout into the void about all the things because I want to make sure we don't inure ourselves to all the fuckery. I have 47 art projects going on. I'm making food and loving kids and trying to keep my head up and my nails sharp and I'm actively trying not to "play nice" or "fly low" when people say they didn't understand the half-time show or talk about some asshole's "autistic enthusiasm" 

I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess because it feels like a lot and it is a lot and I wanted to put it out there plainly, but also because if you're feeling this way too, I wanted you to know that we're all here and we're all doing this and if someone tries to drag you out of a town hall, I promise to sit my ass in the aisle and be as heavy as possible.  

Things that don’t suck

 Last week was hard. Atticus’ absence is felt more keenly than I expected (except by Scout which I guess is on brand.) The anniversary of my dad dying hit harder than I thought it would, until a sweet friend reminded me that seven years is a cycle. And then on top of all that, just general malaise about the state of the world. This week I spent all week in jury selection for a murder trial. I wasn’t picked, but I did get my first cold in forever as a parting gift. 

So since I’m convalescing on the couch, I figured I’d do a photo dump of things that don’t suck

I loved this outfit so much. I bought this jacket at a thrift store during grad school, outgrew it, gave it to my mom, and then brought it home after she died. It matches this dress perfectly and I love it. 

The girls wanted appliqué sweatshirts so I spent an evening crafting and they love them so much

Messy bedroom but this shirt makes me at least 10% stronger 

These cats. I’m obsessed with them

Averson got two leaped geckos and they make them so happy. Look at that smile

Goodbye, Old Man

The era of the Hellbeasts had to end eventually. Atticus has been getting frailer and slower, but never quite reached the "it's time" stage. Until he did. Saying good-bye today feels bittersweet, especially because, as is usually the case, he seemed pretty perky this morning. He was a dog who wanted nothing more than to be with his people at all times, a quality that vacillated between endearing and infuriating for most of his life. But we had good memories and Averson doesn't remember a time when he wasn't a part of our family. I will miss his sweet eyes and quiet presence. I will not miss his whining and his horrific gas. And I'm glad that he won't be in pain anymore. 

Bye Weirdo. It's been a good run. 

 

Baby's First Tattoo

I don't usually get nostalgic about "my precious itty bitty little baby" but this one felt like a pretty big milestone. I'm so grateful that he wanted me there for it (and I'm pretty sure not just because he wanted me to pay.) He's been talking about getting a tattoo for a while, but kept putting it off because of wrestling. If I'm honest, I thought he was nervous about the needles more than anything. So this weekend when he talked about it I was like "LFG!" C was sure I'd end up with one too, but I was steadfast. And Eli did SO GOOD. He barely even flinched. He loves it so much and only had a minute of buyer's remorse before coming back to "this is so cool!" 

 

2024 Books

I look forward to writing this wrap up all year, and while I've considered writing it as I go, I sort of like comparing all the books all at once. There were some that I thought would be clear standouts, that at the end of the year didn't even make the list. And others that I hated, but didn't hate as much as some that came after them. Except One by One. That was my first, and worst, book of the year. Sorry Freida. 

If you want to go back to see past years' wrap ups, they're here: 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, and 2023 (also holy shit. I've been doing this for eight years now?!)

This year my goal was 75 books. I didn't quite make it, but I figure 64 is a very respectable number, nonetheless I definitely raced to the finish line to avoid ending the year at 63. And I got messed up because I finished Part 1 of an audiobook and Part 2 hasn't been released yet. And also, as I was writing this I'm realizing that there are a few missing from my Goodreads. So I read somewhere between 64 and not 64 books this year. My life is very hard. 

Books I have recommended to almost everyone and/or bought for people and therefore forced them to love:

Margo's Got Money Problems. I LOVED this book. It was such a sweet father/daughter/redemption story and I genuinely enjoyed all the characters. OnlyFans, professional wrestling, robots. And for being that the whole premise was around porn, it was pretty smut-lite (especially for this year)

Butcher and Blackbird. This book was recommended by my brother, so you can imagine my surprise once I actually read it. I love recommending it but definitely warn people that it will make them question their own social-appropriateness. I liked Leather and Lark too, but I think it didn't live up to Butcher because I was better prepared. Also, this is the first "Trigger warnings" I've laughed out loud at. 

When the Moon Hatched. I was intimidated by the length of this book, but it went really fast. The world building was done so well. 

Somewhere Beyond the Sea. TJ Klune is a gift to the world. It would've been so hard to meet my expectations for the sequel to House in the Cerulean Sea but this was exactly how the story should've progressed. 

Sarah J Maas got a lot of play this year, especially after I found Graphic Audio books. I'm really enjoying the Throne of Glass series and from what I hear, it's most people's favorite. Crescent City on Graphic Audio though is PERFECTION. 

Great books without faeries:

Happiness Falls. I listened to this one, and I think having it read added to the experience. I really appreciated the research that the author put into this book and the way she made neurodivergence a character trait and not an entire personality. 

The God of the Woods. There was a lot of hype around this book and it was absolutely well-deserved. 

Sweet books featuring magical creatures (because it can't all be wings and smut):

Bookshops & Bonedust. An orc finds community in a small village after being injured in battle. The characters were all precious and I can't wait to read the prequel. 

The SpellShop. I was sold on "sentient spider plant" The love story was sweet and I think I needed a bit of a palate cleanser. There was a lot of smut this year...

Non-Fiction Standouts:

I don't read a ton of non-fiction, but this year's been good for informational books. 

The Six: The Untold Story of America's First Women Astronauts. Read this. To date, there's still been less than 100 women in space. I geeked out about this book for awhile, both for the women's history but also for the NASA history. 

Counting the Cost. I remember when the Duggars got TLC to build them that gigantic house with the commercial kitchen, buffet, and giant "Boys" and "Girls" rooms. Shocker that the family got so weird... 

We all know I love a historical fiction:

The Briar Club. This book made me wish I had more girlfriends and a stairwell to paint. It also brought a lot of Kate Quinn's past characters together which was fun. 

The Divorcees. This book revolved around a Divorce Ranch in Nevada. I didn't know much about them so this was fascinating, and I loved the different characters and their backstories. Also I read this and immediately got back into my southwest vibes so we can blame Rowan Beaird for the reemergence of turquoise in my life. 

The Women. Military nurses in Vietnam. I think the theme of female veterans was one that hasn't been explored as much as you'd think it should be. 

These books were so awful it was almost fun to hate them:

Haunting Adeline. Did not finish. Didn't even make it 25%. Here's the TL;DR so you don't have to. Haunted house. Lots of sexual innuendos. Done. Also, right off the bat some rando punches a hole in her wall (covered with antique wallpaper) because she decides not to fuck, and her thought is "Well if my hole isn't getting plugged, I may as well check out the hole in the wall." If that's not a direct quote it's very close, but I can't check because I literally threw this book in the garbage. 

One by One by Frieda McFadden. OMG. This was so bad but I had it on audio book and stuck with it because at some point it became so bad it was good. There was a lot of time spent talking about how out of three grown ass, accomplished, seemingly functional women, not a single one knows how to pee in the woods. And the car breaks down but instead of walking to the hotel ON THE ROAD, they go traipsing in the woods for several days. Also, one of the guys has a daypack with water purifying tablets and a rifle, but not a flashlight? I legitimately considered starting a podcast just to bash on this book.

Incidents Around the House. WTF? This was like someone took acid and then watched Sesame Street. Yep. That's all I can say. It was fucking weird and not in the fun way. I read it clear to the end waiting for it to make sense and it never did. 

Bride: Here's the thing. It's not awful. It's actually pretty good. But I couldn't get past "knotting." And then because I fell down that rabbit hole of WTF, my algorithm got really disturbing for a minute. So it's on the list as retribution. You should definitely read it and definitely don't google "knotting." 

2025 is starting off strong. Lights Out and Rental House both arrived on the same day so now I'm faced with the impossible decision of smutty BookTok or Literary Sweetheart...